Effective Methods to Soothe an Anxious Brain
Reducing Stress & Anxiety - a new approach
1. Accept that anxiety is biological: Fear vs Anxiety
The first step in managing anxiety in a healthier manner is to make peace with the fact that having anxiety is natural and normal. According to evolutionary psychology, human psychological traits like anxiety exist because they serve a function. Anxiety signals that we believe the outcome of a situation in which there are factors beyond our control, is very important to our survival and well-being.
Anxiety is the result of the body entering state of stress (sympathetic arousal) and releasing extra energy to tackle a challenge that requires us to leave our comfort zone without any guarantee of success. Nevertheless, too much energy can make us feel restless and agitated. It can make a racing mind speed even faster so our focus becomes super scattered. The key is to learn how to harness this energy rather than get sidetracked by trying to get rid of it.
It is helpful to distinction between FEAR in its primal form and ANXIETY.
Fear arises when we experience a dangerous life-threatening situation that activates the amygdala that helps us detect threats. Anxiety arises when the dopamine circuitry or reward system of the brain gets attached to achieving a specific outcome and the possibility that the outcome will not turn out the way we want activates the amygdala.
Thus, anxiety levels corresponds to the degree of desire and attachment we feel rather than to the degree of danger we are in. For instance, even when there is a 99% chance that the outcome will be fine, when we focus on the 1% chance that a different outcome may happen, we can still feel overwhelming anxiety.
2. Consume stress hormones by burning restless energy
Stress hormones like cortisol kick the body into high gear to run from danger, so a moderate intensity cardiovascular work-out that burns this extra energy is the easiest way to bring your body back into equilibrium. Thirty minutes of jogging, cycling, boxing, or swimming usually does the trick. As an added bonus, exercise also increases the amount of oxygenated blood flowing to the prefrontal cortex of the brain and releases endorphins which lift up our mood.
In addition, mindful movement exercises are great for helping us shift from being stuck in our heads worrying about the future or ruminating about the past to being grounded in our bodies in the present moment. Yoga, qi gong exercises, dance classes have a restorative effect on the parasympathetic nervous system and help integrate mind, heart, and body.
3. Do slow, deep breathing to activate parasympathetic system
The easiest way to “turn on” the parasympathetic nervous system is through taking slow, deep breaths. The idea is to slow your breathing cycle (a complete inhale and exhale) by inhaling slowly until you fill your lungs to full capacity and then exhaling slowly until you empty your lungs and create a vacuum. One simple and subtle way to do this is by using a 6-3-6-3 box breathing cycle, which means you inhale for a count of six seconds, hold your breath for three seconds, exhale for a count of six seconds and hold your breath for three seconds. Doing this for two to five minutes will calm the sympathetic nervous system and make it easier to sleep. The recommended breathing cycle patterns usually involve exhaling for about twice as long as the inhaling, which makes sense because our heart rate tends to slow when we exhale.
4. Notice when you are catastrophizing
When researchers studied the mindset and behaviors of pessimists versus optimists, they created a shorthand called the 3 P’s to summarize the pattern they found. Essentially, pessimists tend to make a negative event or setback feel catastrophic by perceiving it as pervasive (“everything in my life sucks”), permanent (“things will always be like this”) and personal (“it’s my fault; I am terrible”), whereas optimists do the opposite by perceiving it as isolated (“the rest of my life is fine”), temporary (“today was a bad day but tomorrow will be better”), and impersonal (“the other team got lucky and won”).
5. Tend and befriend
It is widely known that stress elevates levels of cortisol and other stress hormones that activate the freeze-flight-fight response. However, stress can also elevate oxytocin, known as the “cuddle hormone” because it prompts us to build social bonds. This “tend-and-befriend response” sets off a regenerating cascade that offsets the damaging effects of stress hormones, such as inflammation. According to Kelly McGonigal in The Upside of Stress, “caring for others triggers the biology of courage and creates hope.” She also advises: “Whether you are overwhelmed by your own stress or the suffering of others, the way to find hope is to connect, not to escape.” McGonigal adds, “In any situation where you feel powerless, doing something to support others can help you sustain your motivation and optimism.”
Many studies have found that people who volunteer to do community service tend to be healthier, feel happier and more connected, and live longer than those who don’t, in part because altruistic acts of kindness and compassion boost oxytocin levels. In addition, something as simple as writing down or sharing what you are sincerely grateful for can elevate levels of oxytocin.
6. Focus on concrete actions within your control
Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, uses a framework containing 3 concentric circles. The largest one is called the Circle of Concern, as it contains all the things we are concerned about. The middle one is called the Circle of Influence, as it contains all the actions we can take to influence people to address our concerns. The smallest one is called the Circle of Control, as it contains all the actions directly within our control that we can take to address our concerns. We get the highest return on our time and energy by focusing on things within our Circle of Control. When we focus our energy and time in the outer ring on things beyond our influence and control, we naturally feel anxious and disempowered. By discerning between what we can influence but not control and constructively channeling our energy towards actions within my control, we feel a lot more productive and have a lot more peace of mind.
7. Visualize yourself Building Resilience
In many cases, the outcome we are anxious about is not as bad as we anticipate it will be in our minds. One way we can free ourselves from the grip of anxiety is to use a visualization exercise to build confidence that we really can handle the negative outcome we are anxious about avoiding. Start by describing the outcome that you want to avoid. Then imagine it actually coming to pass and what that would actually feel like in your body. Next, walk through all the ways you can pick yourself up and move forward in your life. Building resilience is like building equanimity like a muscle, it can be very helpful to create a safe container to experience a scenario you dread in small doses. For instance, I can get very anxious about rejection. Sometimes, I deliberately put myself in a situation that can lead to rejection, such as asking for something that is a bit difficult, so I can experience that rejection really isn’t that unbearable and that it’s not that hard to bounce back.
8. Write down what Brain 1.0, 2.0 and 3.0 tells you
The simultaneous or rapid sequential activation of different neural networks can be like hearing a cacophony of voices in our head, which contradict each other and trigger conflicting emotions. This swirl of brain activity can leave us feeling stuck, frustrated, and confused about how to move forward. When I feel this way, I find it helpful to take a moment to reflect and sort out how each part of my brain (I’ve identified them below as Brain 1.0, 2.0, and 3.0) sees the situation or challenge I’m facing. I simply create a table with three columns. On the left, I write down what Brain 1.0 (my Inner Godzilla) says and advises me to do. In the middle, I write down what Brain 2.0 (my Inner Teen Wolf) says and advises me to do. On the right, I write down what Brain 3.0 (my Inner Sage) says and advises me to do. Once it’s on paper, it becomes more obvious that Brain 3.0 gives me the best advice for moving forward.
9. Connect to a greater purpose
Kelly McGonigal’s The Upside of Stress shares research on how people transform stress and anxiety into a challenge response by seeing a greater meaning and social purpose for undergoing adversity. Reframing anxiety in this way turns on beneficial biological mechanisms, such as the tend-and-befriend response, that enable people to harness the energy unleashed by the stress cascade to improve performance and concentration under pressure, to build social support and strengthen relationships, and to make a positive impact on the larger community. When I meditate on my feelings of anxiety, I see that what’s really driving my distress is a desire for more control and predictability. Therefore, I help my mind to accept that uncertainty and unpredictability is woven into life and to connect the challenge to a greater purpose.
This quote from Nelson Mandela helps me redirect my attention away from my anxieties to focus on aligning my choices to the outcomes I want. “May your choices reflect your hope, not your fears”
Now when I feel anxious, I see it as a signal that I really care about something. I then reflect on why it matters to me, and why it’s worth taking the risk to do something even if the outcome is uncertain and unpredictable. I then identify the actions within my control and influence I can take while accepting that the actual outcome is out of my hands.
Whenever you feel anxious, experiment with these techniques as a toolkit for managing anxiety. You will likely find that for different situations, some of these tools are more effective than others.